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moved to:

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to the romantic kid i knew

Sometimes, you do have a strong desire for something and maybe, you wish to grab - full range of it. Every one in sight leaves each time you see the person, alone in his little world while you picture him coming towards you. But he’s no longer the same. You honestly surrender all of your emotions that will lope to the core of his heart but this time, he won’t be aware of it anymore. You observe love in the hopes that he would soon be able to realize what he is losing.

You aren’t the romantic kid anymore…

Maybe you must find yourself, perhaps in yet undiscovered places…

Where you can build your character that he could’ve treasured…

If he only saw what was real…

tears for regrets

'There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own."

- Katherine Anne PorterIn silence, in some way, fear dominates it all. Everything’s left with the unknown, hands outstretched seeking for companionship. The feeling of losing a part is somehow equal to a defeat from all chances and possibilities that had departed before they’ve given their meaning in one’s life. One person tries to let go, without even knowing what it is he’s letting go.

Then he attributes his blame to fate, when ignorance was the predator in the very first place.

Stop being one stupid fool, Ayie.

I don’t play games anymore. I disappeared from false belief's shadow. Cheers to what's real this time.

JAMES BLUNT'S Goodbye My Lover (Goodbye My Friend)

I am a dreamer but when I wake

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take

And as you move on, remember me

Remember us and all we used to be

i am a dreamer, big time... argh!

I woke up today with my anticipation of seeing Maria Sharapova play for the Australian Open Finals. I watched her game with Serena Williams on Star Sports. Throughout the game, I was frantic about seeing her play with her unusual condition on court.

I already had a feeling that it will not be impossible for Williams to win. I’m a 100% Sharapova devotee (or whatever you may call me) but beforehand, I’ve got to observe the strength of will from the unseeded Williams. And although my Maria, seeded as the World no. 1 (she’ll get the title on Tuesday, woohooo), I knew that she may encounter a tight play today.

My favorite Maria outfit (also from the Australian Open 2007):

The Tag Heuer Formula 1 and Sharapova (as one of her endorsements):

By the way, I saw the Tag Heuer Aquaracer today on the market and they sell it for PHP59, 985 to be exact. Fudgggeeee, I want any of the two. Dream on, Ayie! Boo. :(

She lost. I can attest to what our professor once told us. At some point, somehow, we feel affected by the emotions that constitute the hearts of people we admire or look up to. I also sensed the happiness and sadness Maria told the crowd about what she felt this morning. I enfolded all those emotions by screaming in front of the TV, “Maria, you’re still rich! You’re still pretty!” Truth is, losing comes. Something changes all the time. A part of us is reawakened, and then we start fighting once again. That’s a great part to live through.

This is a world of dreamers and soul makers. Yesterday morning, I discussed some things with someone and decided to write our long-term goals on a piece of paper. We stapled our papers and swapped. She’ll keep mine and I’ll keep hers. We agreed on reading them someday, maybe after college when some of our dreams and goals are already taking place. The catch is, we need to find each other first to help us remember all those things.

something random

:(

We are all the same

Human in all our ways and all our pain

(So let it be)

There's a love that could fall down like rain

(Let us see)

Let forgiveness wash away the pain

(What we need)

And no one really knows what they are searching for

(We believe)

This world is crying for so much more

So this world

Is too much

For you to take

Just lay it down and follow me

I'll be everything you need

In every way

"We Believe" Good Charlotte

Happy New Year

I’m currently listening to a song that reminds of people I’ve met and loved throughout the year. Playing it gives me a lot of memories and realizations about the journey I had made. At this time, I’m putting an end to some, closing toward the end of another year.

Next to me is a picture of someone---taken two years ago, the first time I ever got to know the person. The smile, the aura, and the surroundings remind me of another time, my inability to respond when it comes to new atmosphere of feelings, not sure about falling in love.

Sometimes we tend to forget what made us fall in love in the first place. Half way down the block, the rivalry between us and reality is often intense. I’ve made a lot of mistakes for the whole year. Usual traps of mine simply didn’t work out. The best part of all? I got to know myself well and the time I reached that point, it started my knowledge regarding things I can give and share to others. A myriad of situations changed me and that’s one reason why I’m still here, sacrificing for a principle.

Tonight, it will be great if I consider people who just came in my life as certainty. Treat them in a special way. I should keep in mind how different things will be if I am to lose them. I’m not responsible just once for all the decisions I make neither forced to live. I still won’t make a New Year’s resolution. There are so many other things I should commit myself to and why not change right at that moment when you realize something’s wrong?

A part of me wants the year 2007 to come crashing down but it's not possible. I'm hoping to see new opportunities through fresh eyes starting tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

wandering thoughts

"Mr. Clay" Bamboo All by myself I know that I stand here alone. All your lies they feed me. I'm stronger now, stronger now than I was before. There's no way you can hurt me, move me, stop me.

I really don’t know how to start this entry. I’ve got so many things to say, things I don’t intend to just lapse into silence. For once, several days offered the best world for dreamers. I came to a point where I didn’t have to fill some spaces with formless reasons. Those days were important to me. I had felt the harshness of life departing and said to myself, I don’t believe in it anymore. But then again, that’s impossible. Running away from reality only gives a person half of the experience.

Last Tuesday, we went to Enchanted Kingdom. I saw the child in me, how my spirit was transfixed out of my amazement on things. It was a time when I didn’t sense any thing other than excitement. There was a driving impulse. All I wanted that time was to experience all those rides and didn’t care whether or not I couldn’t take the heights.

I meandered freely across the park, rode the Space Shuttle, Anchor’s Away, Wheel of Fate and all that. Happiness didn’t end there. Recalling the times we did paintball and karting couldn’t quell blissful thoughts that fulfilled my spirit. I was there; at a certain space where things turned the way I wanted and expected them to.

I had coffee with Kyels and Matthew at Gloria Jean’s Rockwell yesterday afternoon. It was a wonderful bonding moment where I found the two of them so funny that we even dared each other to do some crazy things. Boo you, you’re unfair! Haha. I can’t deny such zenith of excitement is one thing I can play over and over again. Ahhha!

We moved to Eastwoood, had dinner at Teriyaki Boy and found ourselves in OJ’s bar. I only got two bottles of beer and was utterly emotive with the music being played by an acoustic band. I held those sad emotions in abeyance, promised some things to myself. In a very short amount of time, Kyels and Matthew will soon be leaving Pinas. I knew it last night, I’d really really miss them.

The two of them are back in their country, Malaysia. I still fancy all those moments I had with them. They took great care in me. We may have argued earlier over some things but nothing can change the fact that I learned a lot from them. I was often swayed by their ideas, maybe because I’m the kind of person who’s always scared. They’re great persons who reminded me about certain ways to attack whatever system or narrow ideas present, and mostly, to not limit my outlook in life. God, they’re my true friends.