part of change's web

"GRAVITY" Vienna Teng
Look love
They've given up believing
They've turned aside our stories of the gentle fall
But don't you believe them
Don't you drink their poison too
These are the scars that words have carved on me

Up to now, there are times I’d love to see myself in a coffee shop, being with someone, and just so interested exchanging our stories. I did it with a friend last Wednesday as we discussed about the important things we consider at this point; what we need, what we want, what we feel, how we act in response to their call. Talking personally and listening to the voice of a person’s heart appears to be an act of becoming genuinely interested in others, getting familiar with the world he has. The reason is not only about the intention to know the story behind a thing, but more importantly, comprehending on why the person likes a thing that much and how passionate he can go for it. I’d also want to visualize how passion is presented and how it is seen and experienced with the way he looks at things. It’s the response that really matters.

It occurred to me the other day that there are things which are higher than my power to control. At the present, I can come up with several things which are significant to me, but though, time may come when these things will have little meaning already or no meaning at all. There are dirty little secrets that go unspoken in the everyday of our lives. They promote lying as long as no one would get hurt by the truth. As a person would continuously cover up these truths, the futile attempt can never deliver him from disappointment. Just for the sake of avoiding a conflict, people lie and consider alternatives and accept them as true.

There are things I miss doing. There are also things which I doubt if I can ever do again. I know it’s quite emotional, but it’s all part of not seeing the kind of self I used to be with a person before, with a person who’s no longer at my side. Going on with life is not just about doing just right in the mending a heart process or the art of letting go thingy. It’s more about the willingness to step out the gates of where I used to be, having the courage to modify, with a purpose to associate “the self” with new people and new options. Change is a product of one’s personal choice that cannot be dictated by what others do or react.

It’s pouring my heart and soul into something new and observing what kind of nourishment would appear, anticipating that there will be growth. There must be growth. I may even go the extra mile to find out what’s there to find, with my hope to pursue that things will be better this time around. If it means fighting about things I can never own, the experience is the one responsible for the kind of influence that will fit perfectly on me. It's taking risks, determined about not missing one thing that could change my life forever which is important this time.