just something

OUR HOUSE IN CAVITE

Have you ever thought if things couldn’t just go back to the way they used to be as a child? Going home to Cavite last week, I felt how my longing extended up to the air. I was at a familiar setting, the place where I was raised. Everyone has their own time to hold the power on how to set goals and directions. With a set of circumstances, at some point in my life, I decided to move somewhere with my need to see and comprehend things about my self. My skills and instincts to determine what I wanted enabled me to move forward and live in Manila although with a deep seeded confusion.

Somewhere in the path of my young life, certain things came along which I encountered to define or destroy me. It takes a lot of courage most of the time. For me, there is only one hope in life left. It is by shaping our convictions that there are things that aren’t just real. And by accepting who we really are with sincerity to not pretend that we love ourselves and also others, it is the only truth from where we can start to climb up the ladder. One is a brand new person indeed..

I am sorry if my thoughts aren’t going somewhere. I am currently at a net café because our phone is (still) fucked up and there’s no DSL. Boo PLDT! I’ve been sort of melodramatic for the past few days. There are issues I can’t just toy around with. Please bear with me, that for me, the desire to be understood by others cannot be surpassed only by the action to be right. Here comes my desire to be right. I may not know how. All the time, I just follow my heart. I’ve forgotten the presence of my mind thinking that I might miss something. Tell me, is it the right thing to do? And, am I doing it now?

Funny how a friend of mind directly and honestly told me how others might be in complete doubt why I never had a boyfriend yet in my entire life. Apparently, we have different ways looking at it. I might work it out someday but I’m afraid now that I’m already decided. Okay, I must try to keep my mind and heart open. Maybe. It won’t do me any harm anyway. But I tell you, it’s hard for me.

Being with someone for me is that we don’t make demands. We don’t count on bizarre possibilities. We go on with our indomitable and self ambitious lives no matter what and when we need each other, we’ll be there for each other. There must be no suspicions and only little amount of jealousy because I find it sweet. Haha. I don’t want to be constantly asked whether I’ve been faithful. It’s just when I love someone, my feelings perfectly flow. I feel so free to show my inner emotions. That’s a great part, right?