phoenix

Unexpected twists are coming in my life. I don’t find myself at a point where things are ending. Thoughts and actions are swallowed by my passion to love - every second of it. I’ve been admiring the phoenix, a legendary bird for a long time. It gets pleasure from immortality as it is renewed with fire every 500 years from the ashes. The thought of being like a phoenix can only take my mind as far as I’d want to because in reality, I can’t be exactly like it. Through the declaration of some truth, I want a new life. I want to fix some things at a better place. Hopefully, scars will just remind me of the past, make me less angry this time. Then maybe, it will be a new life for me.

Last night, I had couple of drinks with good friends. I realized how captivated I am with the act of guidance they give me; the great feeling of our bond like a family and sometimes, even more. They’re always there. When it comes to people, I don’t embrace just anybody. I need to know about your inherent beautiful qualities and great stories to tell which I can admire, learn from.

Whenever I attach myself to something, it will be hard for me to stay away from it that easy. Not because I am a believer of forever whatsoever, but the fact that I know it can’t be repeated again. I can be selfless. So when I find something to passionately love, I learn to make use of my strengths and weaknesses, see where they’ll take me.

Being happy is a wonderful thing. I’ve forgotten how it feels to say how happy I am at a certain point. Saying it is easy same as the feeling that is transient. Holding happiness is quite sensitive, for it opens a person to fragility, easily damaged, easily broken. That’s a scary part.

I can forget myself and avoid learning from past mistakes. There goes the challenge for me to face. Let things rush over me, stand firmly and with a direction. I openly said a lot of things about me to someone, which no one else knows. I believe it’s a great way looking at the world. You can still find someone whom you can trust and put everything in perspective. Start believing that you two can go far together.

This time, I will not permit myself to get lost. The bleak path must vanish. I’m still a bit angry and bitter but not seeking revenge. I’m ready to take chances, see people leave if they must. It’s not anyone’s problem, anyone’s fault why things suddenly bend, suddenly end. It’s really about the choices we make. It’s the process that will dare us to hope, to live and to fight… to try again.