maybe this is really a wonderful world

I used to think that nothing beats flesh and blood. But lately I’ve realized that there are people I just meet or friends I’ve known for a long time who won’t use the metaphor of wounding my feelings---particularly my inner feelings.

My friends from Malaysia arrived in Pinas last Monday and since then, we’ve been going to some places in Manila. I go out almost everyday and I’m glad for that. Like last Tuesday, we went to Bagaberde to watch Nina’s and Nyoy’s performances. I totally allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the night. Absolut vodka! Haha. Yesterday, we visited Rizal Park, Intramuros and Coconut Palace. Through the act of wandering around, I’m appreciating my country more same as with the beauty of the world. From that, I’ve been finding my worth. My friends took some photos. I might post the link here soon.


Our university had the Paskuhan last night; an event for everyone this Christmas season. Too bad I wasn’t really able to watch the fireworks. We got stuck in the traffic. Argh. But nonetheless, still kinda lucky that I was able to see it, very briefly though. There were various performances from students last night and some bands also performed. I walked with Kyels, Matt and Jessica around the campus. I toured them inside with Jessica. Haha.

I had a wonderful discussion with Kyels. I know, I crumbled apart recently after being suspected by these people close to me that I’ve been keeping a dark secret regarding myself. Fuck it. She told me that I should go, find my way. I definitely believe that we all have what it takes to make it there---to that place where we can be honest to ourselves, gain the pride of finding peace, acceptance and the road to endless possibilities.

I want to hold my life on my own. Will it ever be “happily ever after” for me? I don’t know. I honestly told her as well that I have this fear of seeing myself alone someday. Faith is still within me and it has a tendency to provide me the power of holding chances by removing the odds from my mind.

I may have the feeling of loss at some point but it doesn’t kill me anyway. If ever I hold pain, will I ever reach numbness? If ever I hold happiness, will it ever make me forget about some things? I thought I was stronger than this. This time, I guess I should be. The challenge is here, that living must be constantly made.

To one person pulling me down: Thank you very much. It’s strange to me how you can ever find pleasure from hurting others. Does that make you pathetic? Or a person who doesn’t have a life to live on his own? And what’s special about your life anyway? Money, beauty and fame? The artificial world, oh no! I pity you.