find it

This must be called a day. I slept early last night which I haven’t practiced for a long time. The moment morning came, I sensed good things coming. Today, I’ve realized that I am still a slave to emotions but the influence of my heart doesn’t bind me up in chains.

I went to R Place to get a gift for a friend and after doing so, my feet ended up entering the Nike Women store. Seeing my Sharapova, my goodness, I lost my defenses. She’s so beautiful! Right there and then, I got trapped by all marketing strategies. I won’t tell here how personal addictions became slightly impulsive! Heehee. From there, I moved to SM Mall of Asia and met an old friend.

For hours, we’ve discussed about personal matters. I’m so impressed on how I can actually always look at her and straightly tell my issues. Sensitively observing things around ultimately lead me to one profound thought. I’m so thankful that I found a friend like her. It has been eight years of letting somebody watch my soul and help me prove the strength in me. God, I love her.

She told me that it’s hard to unlearn something you’ve learned for a long time. My question is, how much more for something you’ve loved? I’ve let go. I did. At some point, I certainly believe that not everyone could understand me. I can even be called as one selfish bitch for a person! But I don’t care. I really don’t care. I just hope people won’t grasp things easily only for a fact that they see them happen and yet their minds don’t understand the story beyond. If they can’t do it, then I don’t mind also.

But everything doesn’t stop there. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I admitted them one by one. My eyes are now sharp that the hours are long; there’s a lifetime to escape from being a slave to the stupid system I allowed myself consume. I can’t take a life where walls are too narrow. I don’t want anyone to serve as destruction to my intimacy, ability to commit, and my way of letting the best in me come out. A lucid memory reminds me to remember how I got here in the first place. I don’t regret at all. It’s not always being right, following the rules and turning away from evil that could emphasize my depth and sincerity for reaching a good life. It’s my willpower to try a thing that I see is good even if others disagree. It talks about my strength of mind that no matter how discouraged I may be in the end,I knew what I wanted and made a way for it which most of the time, people don’t have courage to do so.

Life is merely walking through mazes. People come and go. I’m not anymore heavily guarded by misery and bitterness. In the end, a person will be alone and must discover the place he allowed himself to go. It’s a matter of choices.

I act on things using my gentler attitude; a new person serves as a new form of happiness. This is the kind of happiness where there is acceptance and freedom goes with it. My point is, always be ready to learn because people change, everything changes and one must adapt whether he likes it or not. We can’t stay in one place forever and expect that only a single person can change us. We must grow. We should. I told my friend that I want to give my all. And I asked a stupid question to her, “Would I do it?” I see a good thing right in front of my face, I’d like to hold it with care but won’t measure or weigh it. I’ll believe and love.

A true character begins when you’re hurting, growing and in the end, happy and contented.