I can’t stand self-centered ego driven people. For the past few days, I’ve been so fucked up thinking about my friendship with someone. I wonder how the hell a person can dig up a wrong impression about me without even confronting straightforwardly. It severely lacks frankness and shit, human actions can’t be trusted all the time by just reading them. Tell me, and then I answer. Is it that hard?
Not long ago, I recovered my closeness with an old friend whom I consider very special. It’s very liberating each time I am with her and right after school, I’d usually move to their place and speak about many things. They’re all “real women” in the sense that they’re aware of the difference between “want and need”. The genuine oneness of being familiar with who I am and who they are is supreme. They’re women who don’t lay bets just to obtain narcissistic acknowledgement from others. And thus, do understand me if there’s something I cannot practice yet at the moment. I do understand them also.
Months ago, I tried speaking about my feelings to someone; describing through my actions. I received a no pity reply. I should try to act passive sometimes. I had to grind my doomed motive quickly. Truth from a person can keep my mouth shut. Charisma is truly appealing that I question why others often use it to mislead and hurt an open wound more. Look, recently, I’ve received a “persuasive” message from the same person. I contemplated for a while and didn’t reply. What can be wrong, sometimes they’re “like this” and sometimes, they’re not. The person isn't around the campus anymore. No big deal, honestly.
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh... It’s not rejection as I see it. A person can be substandard for someone and yet somebody else is capable of loving him more than he could ever imagine. Personal standards. You get me?
Pain is ever frightening. In spite of these challenges, I need to recharge. I can’t welcome broken promises, a broken heart, and deserted feelings yet. In short, I’m not a willing lover as of now. I lost courage and not ready “looking for love in all the wrong places". Ha ha ha. And if there’s even a right place for it, how do I know that it’s for me? Jaded. I have been very much captured by the mythical scene for years and the reality of most people is something else from my very own perspective.
Months ago, I tried speaking about my feelings to someone; describing through my actions. I received a no pity reply. I should try to act passive sometimes. I had to grind my doomed motive quickly. Truth from a person can keep my mouth shut. Charisma is truly appealing that I question why others often use it to mislead and hurt an open wound more. Look, recently, I’ve received a “persuasive” message from the same person. I contemplated for a while and didn’t reply. What can be wrong, sometimes they’re “like this” and sometimes, they’re not. The person isn't around the campus anymore. No big deal, honestly.
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh... It’s not rejection as I see it. A person can be substandard for someone and yet somebody else is capable of loving him more than he could ever imagine. Personal standards. You get me?
Pain is ever frightening. In spite of these challenges, I need to recharge. I can’t welcome broken promises, a broken heart, and deserted feelings yet. In short, I’m not a willing lover as of now. I lost courage and not ready “looking for love in all the wrong places". Ha ha ha. And if there’s even a right place for it, how do I know that it’s for me? Jaded. I have been very much captured by the mythical scene for years and the reality of most people is something else from my very own perspective.
1 comment:
Not everyone can stand self-centered ego driven people. Wrong impression is often painful and hurtful but people tend to make assumptions and be judgmental. They'd never use confrontation ... And in order to confront somebody; one must have the courage to do so. And no one really has those type of courage and I am sure you'd understand it by now.
But again ... To have wrong impression of someone is definitely not a nice way of thinking.
Pain will always be frightening no matter what. Even I am afraid of pain. Everyone is afraid of it. We are mortals. Reality sucks (sometimes) but still we're part of it. Brace yourself and I am sure in no time the courage will come back to you. There's always light at the end of the darkest tunnel, remember? We are all fighters ... For a cause of course.
(:
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