everything's twisting

Finally, I’m restored to health. I’ve recharged energy. My body isn’t anymore pressed on all sides by some destructive forces! The new challenge is to disregard going on a diet again. I should eat the essential food for a healthy way of living. I’ll try to.

As I divulge these words, I recollect. The foundation of my life used to be built on illusion when I was a child. When I entered teenagehood, strong walls of mistakes constructed my place. Now, I feel lost. It’s like having a requirement of going back to scratch and starting all over again, but how?

The time I was very sick, a friend called me up to inform me about something. The verdict preoccupies all other options on how should I decide. Or, I’ve really made my decision. Some friends think I am dangerously in love. I am not. I’m obsessed with love.

All forms of it, name it, come on! And holla, I like flipping the pages of my life and meeting new people. If we’re friends, we’re friends. It’s unethical to fall for you. If I like you, I won’t pair it up with friendship. If my motive is to love you nice and slow, then I’ll do it. And if you say, “Hey can we be just friends?” Fuck, I can never be friendly. Thanks for telling me what you want but it doesn't mean we can share the same want. No further thoughts. I want the truth so I should also give the truth at the very beginning. I enjoy having myself and being with wise people around me anyway.

Please don’t judge how I live my life. It’s not everyday that I can try expressing my thoughts in a transparent manner. The real nature of my feelings is a strong affection. Now, the internal feelings fluctuate. I’m falling under. Believe me; I fell so hard for that person. Anonymity was hard but very rewarding. I rarely forget how I should handle my surroundings, my needs. I was tempted not by allure that wouldn’t last forever. It wasn't even because I went crazy about finding something to lust for. The authentic persona brought me in a home of wonder. You can’t blame me.

To you: But I can’t be in love when I believe it wouldn’t work. There was even a time that I wanted to discern badly, on how you see me. I was afraid that I won't be able to love someone new not until I get over you. Somebody else made it easy for me to put you out of my mind. Don’t get me wrong. I still care. I'll always do.You weren’t the one who taught me not to love you. All complications did. I’m only human who instantly surrendered to your overwhelming gravity that brought inner peace and put my life back in order. Your force, such force pulls me everyday that when I try to leave, you pull me once again. If this would formulate an open end on our very own story, please close it for me.

spero ed attendo,

The Sinner