TO THE FRIEND I LOST

I am waiting for a certain moment sometime this month of February and I'll have my tongue piercing back for it. From my previous journal entries on my former blog, I've realized that I appear to be someone who has nothing to keep. I've been very open regarding my sentiments. I don't make available to public my personal life; only a part of it. These things are not my totality, please try to remember.

I learned by heart how to recollect all the things we shared from the first time we met. And that moment so to speak, made me believe that our friendship is never-ending. This longing presses on questions needed to be answered. I lack a solemn way to understand and a trouble-free way to let this emotion go. I miss someone. Undemanding, I would love to be with him. I know there is no more time available for my wish. I do not see him anymore.

I will never fall for a friend and that promise of mine has never been broken. For me, it will be unethical if I will let my defenses be fond of eyeing on a friend. How come he never told me? The purpose of him was there right at the very beginning. How come? Should I point a finger to my insensitiveness?

One night he confessed. I told him I don't believe in courtship and how I see it as "pakitang-tao". I explained that he is a friend; nothing more. Days drew closer to me as school work in height. The air sustained each conversation we had before as our breaths pronounced to each other the things we had on our minds. Now, to reminisce is the only thing I can get from everything. I used to be the person he would love to be with for companionship's sake.

I lost a friend. For him, did he also lose a friend or only a scheming thought potential love?

Bad.

I will never fall in love with a friend - never. Why can't we be friends still after all?

Several days and weightless feelings were rapid. I know someone out there is ready to catch me but there's this feeling inside me that will prefer to live on my own just for a brief time. Not being selfish. Give me my own time for my own self please.