flying all day

Whenever I wake up each morning, I want to be attentive and aware. My instinct matters to me so much. I'll say a continuous prayer just to wipe away negative tones. If I feel jaded, I hate it when I set aside the struggle for change. I can't manage to be brave all the time. Today, I realized that it's not always good to escape. This day is different. I feel different. The state is unusual but drifts smoothly like a first time. More charming than what sounds here.

My phone alarmed. Early. Today's our Clearance Day and I had to arrive at school before 8:30 in the morning. Lord, it's Holy Monday, I'm sorry if I failed to think of praying. I was almost late when I reached school. I hope You understand.

I met up my friend and headed to the assigned room. All my subjects contain the word "passed" beside them. I couldn't be any happier.

YOUR CHOICE IF YOU WISH TO READ ANOTHER HEART STUFF OF MINE. I suggest you to move on to the next part though.

---

An unrealistic existence of mine was there at the Main Building with my blockmates. A sea of bitterness occurred somewhere, troubled about seeing one person. I held my phone, 1 new message, opened, "Ayie!" was what I read. A text message from you. Brief moment of silence. Will I reply? Interruption. You appeared and headed to my direction. Your gentleness is hard to remember because I always see you cynical. I can't also say we're close if only fearless motives of mine paired our unbalanced state. You stood near me, for the first time. FOR THE FIRST TIME. You smiled. You wrapped your arms around as if putting back together my collapsed affection. I realized that you're still a stranger and I haven't saved enough things about you; to concretize my opinion regarding who you are isn't fair. Are you just the kind of person who can't be verbal fearing that you might put down people? I'm confused because you let me feel you. I must continue being logical and practical but you persuaded me. The moment you held me in your arms, I felt you, scared of departing the redoubt I find in you. A temperate embrace, damn, my lips were next to kissing the back of your ear as your right cheek performed a magical moment with my hair. You're like a fragment separated from my body to which it always belonged. How good but I cut off the urge, hated the tendency to become maudlin, my weakest submission.

I noticed all the firsts, even the first time you'll be gone for a long time. Please don't think I say these things because I'll miss you. God only paved the way for me to be thankful of your presence regardless of the abusive judgment you allowed my mind to build. Forget this. Forget me. And I'll try harder to really forget about you. Fair enough?

---

I caught the movie "Moments of Love" (Dingdong Dantes, Iza Calsado, Karyle) for the second time today. I found out from Jessica Zafra's blog that the movie is somehow similar to a Chinese movie "Sky of Love" (Ken Zhu and Gigi Leung). The romance between Dingdong and Iza happens through a telephone wire conversation as they discover further about their generations which are years apart.

The movie is long and many lines capture hearts absolutely. Love sees no time, not even the end. The overall message of the movie is to impose on people that love is parallel to destiny which echoed to my disagreement.

Honestly, the scariest part is never finding the person that sees his love for me without end. I don't believe that God had made someone who is just around the corner destined to be my forever lover. Imagine how boring it can ever be if our lives were predetermined before us! If that will be the case, each struggle is pointless. As we grow old, our views start to change. When old pictures start to fade, the reality exposes us to a modified authentic present reality. Call it choice that can put forward the generation process of changes. Shifting views and a changing world supplied by coincidence and chance, who wouldn't mind not to change at all? Get me?

Jologs na kung jologs but I'm proud to introduce to you the new object of my affection, Dingdong Dantes! Hahahahah!

I said I'm scared but I am certainly prepared to flee from disappointment someday. I remember a discussion with a friend that male population (including bisexual and gay) is of a much higher density than female population. The possibility of ending up alone is there because if not, some women should be queer.

The entry is getting long! I'm just so pleased because good spirits and insights came. Soon enough, I'll share the other parts.

Off the topic: To _________, you know who you are. Back off! Stay away from my sister, or else...