luminous view

understanding the distance

After a few hours, I'm next to the last page of the book I'm currently reading. It tells about death's control over us. The powerful words from the book assist me to continue an intimate relationship with Jesus. I haven't lost it though anyway.

He is always with me.

At this point, I feel prepared swimming the ocean. I care to subdue the intensity of fear. I call this point a cessation of disordered thoughts or feelings coming from the inside, my inside that used to create gruesome waves whenever I come around people. Swimming the river and at the same time, knowing the endless journey ahead towards the ocean became tedious yet worthwhile. Very.

I took this one in the likeness of hours waiting for the future. Av came over our pad today and I definitely had a great time with her!

I've seen the structure of myself and my inflexibility to forever hide who I am. Not just faking a smile, oblivious when it can ever be real when I do. I would start a day with a prayer to balance faith and hope. As the day would come to its end, missing the point of all actions, even that simple prayer that must have encouraged me to be "really" in this world even for just one single day. Yes, add more my effort to breathe, just breathe.

I was lost. In the direction of the unknown, not easy to carry the unqualified outlook I thought I should choose. I found out that if I seek for Truth, I should let the deepest side of mine affect and embrace my totality as an individual. Life started on my eyes in the direction I want it to be when I took by my heart the power of acceptance. People still come and go in my life and that is constant, but my aim to connect the authentic side of mine to people doesn't leave me an artificial lass. I've got nothing to hide so just love me if you want to.

So many questions go around my system still. To leave suddenly cannot help. I was sort of an escapist before. There is more to dream living in reality. I should swim the ocean towards truth.

Right now, I'm sitting down, very silent and willing to go beyond the question "why".

Ah, the intensity of my drive to write is back. It feels good. I also know the reason "why".

I love the song "Listen" by Stonefree. It gives an organized way of some feelings I can't verbalize yet. You can see the lyrics here and even hear it. Pinoy music rocks.