I never thought that at one point, some people can offer me words to tell me how they feel about my presence. Some just did. It felt good, serenading my sleeping sense of worth, relating to the absent figure that I need to trace.
Holding back the crisis for a very long time, my solemn plea is to be alone, be still and get away from the average doings. I'd rather sit without anything than to engage into something I can’t contribute completely. I'm often bored, high of seriousness and calling for change.
I'm one frustrated perfectionist. I stand with principles that lack bravery to persevere because deep inside, a clash of feelings takes place that suggest me to be in motion with a question mark. I call for an inspiration, unavoidable, they run away. The problem rests upon my confusion that until this moment, I provide invalid answers.
An idyll scenario never existed. From too much looking back, I worry about delaying progress. Last Tuesday night, I had a dream which was located in the domain of sadness. I tried my best to re-create my imagination just to forget, but I couldn’t.
They say that there are things in the reality you can never posses so you absolutely withdraw from them. In your subconscious, there's a well that bears all disturbances and disappointments. When you sleep, away from consciousness, you travel across that hidden universe and there you notice the things you've been keeping for a long time.
There was one incident last year that created a drastic change in my belief and faith in a certain thing – a dreadful reminder for drive accompanied by bitterness. I don't want to write down the details. Only few people comprehended about it. It visited my dreams for the first time. I opened my eyes and cried.
Do your thing but stay conscious about the ache you can bestow on people around you, unintentionally may it be. One ruined relationship redounded to the clearness of my sight. My story regarding my trip to Mindoro was limited because new realisations came in. Stop putting to picture a certain sentiment here, not a proper place to.
I was asked by someone, "How come you don't appear as one rebellious person?" I'm not but I am mad, so mad that I'll f*ckin do what it takes to be happy someday. I shall just deposit to my memory one bitter taste drama. For all we know, we can't rely on the memory that can easily forget. Inside my chest, one thing rests forgoing the need to move on.
HOME 
I had lunch yesterday with my mom and Av. Mom suggested that Av might want to have her vacation with us in Cavite. I keep my fingers crossed; I miss home – the base of my development as an individual.
We discussed about my debut in October. Dad can’t absolutely come because of his work. Mom and Av witnessed my eyes causing tears to flow down my cheeks and then I smiled and said, “It’s actually okay. Too bad, I can’t have a last dance from Daddy. Don’t worry; I’ll search for a boyfriend to do that.” That was a joke.
Dad e-mailed me about his previous works… I’m a proud daughter you can't do anything to erase that.
Hong Kong International Airport
And now, as an electrical engineer, he’ll be a consultant in KEO, a globally known large international design firm.
Dad, you read my blog and capable of perceiving my senses for this is the only way you can witness me grow each day. Yes, I am proud of you and I don’t know the best way for you to be aware of it because rarely can I come beside you and say what’s on my mind. So here I am telling the world that you’re a hardworking father and I love you for crafting me in this world. I continue my journey that someday, someone would realize my capability and worth like how I view yours right now. You used to be gone for months and now, for years. How unkind life can be but remain strong and turn to God. There’s still a long way for us both.
5 comments:
Den, nalungkot ka? I tried my best para di ganun ang dating ng entry. Haaai pero.. sige, tuloy pa rin ang ikot ng buhay.
May dahilan ang lahat, diba?
Sige hiramin ko yun sa'yo ha! Mukhang maganda nga ang movie na yun! :)
There are so, so, so many emotions you can inflict in me, Ayie! So many that I cannot possibly remember to mention them all. You make me want to cry for you! You're such a good person, is all I can say.
Dreams: such a surreal phenomena, isn't it? My brother likes to call them "brain farts," because all it is is your mind releasing stress. I'm not sure if I agree completely with that or not, but I also think that it's your mind subconsciously surfacing when you sleep, and putting on display what you most fear/love/hate. My dreams coincide with this interpretation nicely... As a matter of fact, I had a dream last night (I'm don't think I'll get too specific :P) about someone I know, and it showed me how much I admire that person. When I woke up and gave some thought about it, it turned out that that is exactly how I genuinely feel. Uh... I'm not too sure what I'm saying here, but basically, your dreams give away your true personality.
End scene!
Definitely a great post. The emotions that were laden in this post ... Are bittersweet.
You are a great friend. Honestly, you are. :)
Your dad is so lucky to have you. ♥ I always wondered how it felt like to have one. Different emotions always come rushing down on me whenever I read your posts. :D
Thank you for leaving comments. I mean, it matters so much to me. And a sudden inspiration came for me to go on and share with you these things on my mind and put them to life. Connection is a great thing; to know and and develop your understanding of one person. I feel thankful for having you guys... Writing is an important solution, or else, I might end up killing myself. Ha ha ha. Sorry for being a drama queen most of the time. Thanks again. Million thanks!
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