the catalyst

I’m driven by cravings to remember and uphold every memory. As I trace the earlier period of sweet memories, I see myself had gone a long way from it, nestled at a steady point. The fugacious spirit of a moment in time, something that lasts but only for a short time yet you can never discharge yourself once it haunts your presence.

On that one clear day, a good friend visited me. How come we haven’t seen each other for years? The past appeared on my eyes. All heartfelt letters from her that were left tear-soaked, every hug that crafted a vibrant feeling and everything she did for me without operating a single thrust to upset me.

The gratifying thing about her, she’s a good listener. She can’t stand in the way to oppose my beliefs but rather, pays respect. She started saying “So…. Blah blah…but…” and ended with one question I happen to ask myself all the time.

“Are you happy?” she said looking very interested.

Directly, I told her how odd my behavior could be for some, but it’s an extraordinary thing which I am proud to let somebody dear to me see and understand. I’d love to be faster than my tenseness, uninterrupted and said the Truth.

She didn’t hurt me. The swelling strings of my heart went frozen, so still. She could’ve dropped the painful sensation of mine to see it worse as I would elucidate more painful emotion but she looked at my eyes, shook of the sinister setting and removed all the discouraging moods that have troubled me for a long time.

“I’m proud of what you’ve become now. Keep in mind that whoever you choose to be, I will love you not less but even more…”

How disappointing that most people would try to be guided by the primitive way of living when most of them are having difficulties at the present time and suffer an entire loss. Some have long forgotten the real meaning of happiness and the power of choice.

I can still note an insulting verbal attack from my cousin one particular night that could splinter my frame of mind each time I wonder about myself. There’s no other fitting image I can have for myself rather than the gift my Savior bestowed on me. It was the first time I’ve felt so rejected and probably the last BUT never would I stop shooting down rejection as I'll continue revealing to the world the interior side of mine people should learn.