how do i love thee?

At this point in time I am concerned with the function of my heart and the inspiration my mind should grasp. I do wonder about my worth and how the hell will I live the next days of my life. As I grow each day, I sometimes undergo a certain point of ennui. I’m so familiar with all harmful sentiments it can give me, so still, I cannot give up.

The fluctuation of loving has demonstrated one thing to me. The feeling appears so weird and one abundant opportunity which is to experience it right there and then, by my ever-demanding self can never be given automatically. I should let hatred and bitterness get out of a cage for the atmosphere to purify them.

If I kneel down and thank God for giving me these special people I love, I will also state to Him that I do believe in the purpose of getting hurt - a course everyone should experience. Hey, let me add this one. How about when someone will always try to hurt me once in a while without giving me a good reason at all? And for another predicament to notice, he or she may even be a family member who has never been too nice to me.

I will never apologize if I’m becoming more open here. My blog isn’t popular anyway. I’m surprised from time to time when some people would tell me that they are my silent readers. For definitely, I have this to extricate my hand from something that doesn’t help me liberate my feelings. If this entry appears to be a pathetic form of wrath, you’ve just seen my slayer tendency for one damaging thing love can declare.

Did I say love? Oh, am I loved by that person anyway?

That’s one story about monsters I perceive. Can we try not to mess up one’s productive life that’s running through a practical way? Don’t give a damn and I won’t fuckin’ care about you too.

How Do I Love Thee?
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

I live with that one from Browning, a poem I’ve encountered in LIT class, first year college. When we love, it shall lead us to a spiritual realm. Souls do interact and that’s why we should be aware of the initial movement our hearts would create the first time we meet a person. That soul matter can also provide the idea why I can love anyone as long as there’s positive energy for me to dig.

I shall but love thee better after death. The line jolted through me. This sorry world can never be enough to articulate the fertility of one true love. I’ve tried so many times before to just vanish whenever someone would hurt me. I did hurt myself physically and begged God if He can bring my life to an end because usually, when I feel so ready to provide everything, the elasticity of both sides would just snap out. With those series of loses I’ve experienced or people sensed because of me, I request forgiveness to those people and to my own self also.

In paradise, one great thing shall remain and take two lovers up again. There's one thing we should die for. Realizing that the most worth it thing is the hardest thing to give up and nothing can hold us back to sacrifice a lot for it, I’ve decided that I can try to hurt myself again next time but I must be sure that I’ll definitely die and see myself in paradise where everything flows smoothly under God’s grace. I find it hard deciding on what form of death I should undergo. And for one non-fiction crime of mine, I haven’t found the person yet for it. Too early. I’ll live and heal brain trauma because I see one person on earth at this point who can expand my limits when I express love. I want to give it a try. Let’s see what can happen!