in-depth

Rockwell reflexively helped me a lot to discharge some worries of mine yesterday. The relaxing and comforting atmosphere of the place, I am enthralled. I went to a salon for new haircut and hair color. I think it turned out fine, reasonable for the price I paid. My friend Av said so too. Ooops, my mom didn’t like the color at all. Mom thinks that I poked the bitchy machine and yes, I look like one matured ley-deh now? She’s nagging me about it. She agreed to my appeal. To keep this one for a week, then, change the color after. Urk. Rarrrr…..ahhhhh….

….But anyway, I realized yesterday that I can show reluctance still. Ok, I met someone new. At that certain point, I turned down one thing and threw my cards on the garbage can. For that certain moment, I didn’t think that one opportunity may be lost, nevertheless, I didn’t need radical adjustments. I was so aware of what I really want. And it wasn’t there.

Moving on, apparent disagreement challenges me. One serious discussion renders to be unhelpful when it comes to inducing a new belief and putting it into practice straightforwardly. This cannot happen overnight and I hate it when someone would sound like, “Hey you know what, the truth is…. And yeah, go agree, because, I said so.”

There are different beliefs which we exercise and even if someone tries to encourage you to follow a new one, it will take years or it can never work for you. Past experiences do shape beliefs. An experience will forever remain a sole remembrance for you alone. Others can never be on that same situation you had. They can relate because their experiences may be “quite similar” with yours, a slight representation but can never be equivalent.

A suggestion which is to cast a shadow over one’s principle can absolutely make everything vague and many circumstances that are to follow may appear cryptic and puzzling. I’m not grumpy and sometimes, when someone would whine into something, it will be okay for me to just listen and discover how other people could handle this way of life. Opposing values can be in conflict forever and thus, “respect” can put everything in order. Don’t get caught by the foiling inertia.

Dear friend, I'm glad we're okay now. I was able to pull off a formless thought by asking directly and getting an honest answer in return. I felt so bad last night. I knew it, something was wrong but it couldn’t be me. Well, maybe. From the past months, I had given a constant attention to someone and probably, he is right to say that my act of separation can be a tough one to consider and can accentuate to one misunderstanding between the two of us.

I’m indeed flattered. I’ve just heard one smooth and sweet reason why he has that kind of fondness for me. I’m not easy to read and most people would tell me that I’m reserved most of the time. Umm, yes? Not that I am cautious or something but I see to it that every word, every action I produce must be heard and felt by people. I don’t want my time to be wasted. I don’t want to waste other people’s time either. I’m expressive and I have this experimental attitude. I follow my instinct and fear can never accommodate my drive when it's about loving people close to me. And besides, isn’t it good to be even anyway?