Wednesday, August 02, 2006

come and resurrect me

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Damn it, yesterday was tough. I got into a disastrous conflict with some people. It was shit, man. I hate people who crave badly just to get into the social status for labels like “hottie” and “cool”. Forget them! What can someone get out of his thirst for attention that drives the need only to harm others? Popularity is transitory and fleeting. And by the way, they’ve crossed the edge of my patience. My principle cannot be disproved no matter how hard you try! And besides, I cannot believe without any doubt to all false and artificial stories (especially made) by these two morons regarding one person “very” close to me. My values taught me to recognize the difference of a firm foundation from a fake one. I do my thing. Do your “own” thing. Back off!

Regardless of some desolate moments, I’ve learned to smile once in a while. I can’t make an attempt to invent what I think others would accept. The process is hard, wrapping aggravation around me, but there is nothing wrong when I love these people beyond measure and obey my thirst. I’ve been too much of a coward to expose myself to the truth, so please, give me time.

Have you somehow felt it, I mean, you believe that emptiness is right there inside your heart? And, it’s something you can’t explain. You just feel it. I have three things on my mind right now. I still lay my bets and try winning the lottery. I do go to a fortune teller thrice a year. I don’t learn from past mistakes.

Desire for real life can sometimes be unmanageable. I’m not a god. I’ll always be searching for these things and see if they can fill the hole in my heart. It’s frustrating when the more I search, the more I get lost. In reality, I got to see that gaining money from the lottery can’t be promised, predictions from a fortune teller are true but interpretations vary that they could mislead, and it’s up to you if you want to learn (from life), yet there will always be growth in the end. It’s all about trying, believing and enduring. Of course, put God above everything; to humbly strive and reach your goals.
Dreaming is limitless. It’s a shame that sometimes I construct it as my reality already. My emotional senses are often shaken, and I can be an evil person that you’ll wonder if I’m a real Christian. I do break laws. I’m not concerned about the consequences when I believe that what I am doing is right. Let me be the one to realize on my own if it is wrong. I don’t confess my sins to a priest because I do it directly with God. I’m one sinful person so to speak, and commandments shouldn’t discipline me when I can rely on my own self to do such thing. My personal relationship with Him can’t be seen through signing of the cross or attending mass every Sunday. I serve God with my character as a person by presenting what I can give to other people freely and without reluctance.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Popularity means nothing 'cause it's you and what you do that matters at the end of day. Sometimes people tend to be deluded by such labels and they have got to realise for themselves. It's perception and one's mentality towards the issue.

As for laws; we do break them even though they are there. There are times when we have to disobey the laws. Life cannot be so straight anyway, if not it would be dull. But you are right in saying that one should serve God with their character as a person.

(:

Anonymous said...

heey i just found out you moved already.. wells just want you to know that i changed your link