whatever form of wrath!

Finally, over with the exams! I couldn’t be any happier!

I’ve been talking to some high school friends for the past few days. The feeling of security and comfort is just remarkable. The platonic level combines with my free will and it’s very liberating. They just know me very well.

I’m still fucked up. I finally have admitted to myself, I lost a good high school friend. Selfishness is deeply embedded inside her heart. I hate it, when the self-centered passion of one person has a cruel attempt to attain all passions and desires in whichever way even if it can violate the right kind of ethics and character. I’ve fallen into the trap of speaking so much about my private life to her. And dyaraaaaan, everyone knows about it now! Shit. It was evident how much I trusted her. I was dropped like hell for one reason that a kind of desire she had, I couldn’t be in agreement with. As the saying goes, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Nothing’s bad when you flirt a little, but the danger side of it is when the overwhelming greediness can convert you to become inconsiderate. It has been depressing, people come and go; scenario vaguely tells me how I could actually go through this kind of life without these people I consider as my “friends”.

But what am I to do. Life is full of obstacles. It comes in all shapes and sizes. I believe people must say about their stories (man, so many stories to tell!!) in able to attain the level of sincerity he must provide people around him. I talk about my reality and I’m not afraid to do so. Many broken relationships are all over the place so as lonely and depressed people. The façade of anger would constantly hold up the power to forgive. It takes time, a lot of time. In my case, I wouldn’t wait for the time I’m willing to give up this anger I am feeling. I just hope that it will arrive at my doors and this bleak path will soon go away. I don’t forget easily. I just don’t.

The way people practice the art of loving nowadays appears alien to me. The emergence of such belief in connection and partnership doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. Possessiveness and lack of trust, damn, pathetic. If trust ain’t around, make me forget about the whole connection.

I’ve been carefully counting the days, the point I totally couldn’t have extreme happiness. My yearning for a promising thing, something that wouldn’t disappear easily brought me to this haze. Beauty is appealing. Sometimes, we could forget appreciating once in a while that it's mainly found in people and not in just ordinary things.