Happiness for me has been rarely attained. I felt low last Friday. My sister made plans earlier about going to the mall with her. It was the first time I spent too much for myself for a single day. I felt like I don’t want to understand some situations. I tried escaping but failed. I do stand up for myself, for my beliefs, but it hasn’t been that easy, to search for truth in life, to feel strongly about things, to let go when you must, to be hated and loved at the same time.
My energy can be somehow drained about the comings and goings that are happening in my life. Some friends are in agreement with my new decisions while others aren’t. I am the one who’ll be left with no one and nothing in the end, if that will be my luck this time, so why bother? If there’s someone who’d really want to come in, I’ll feel grateful. No one on earth is abandoned. We spend too much time to offer all our attention to something that attracts us and we capture it to experience rush motions, endless longings and striking fantasies that formulate our everyday pleasure. Do you ever imagine the time it will go? I can’t picture it now. Or I don’t want to. But I had been there and was almost at the point of jadedness. It doesn’t scare me that much. I can’t kid myself, at this point that I am putting big emphasis on connection. I build my dreams in the dark. I put passion to love and desire.
If you ask where am I in my life today, my answer will be, “I don’t know and not so aware how everything has worked out so far for me.” My ambition remains. I can’t stop. I can directly look into the mirror of truth and genuinely review the past chapters of my life. Funny, the moment I tried reading old testimonials in my Friendster account. It reminded me about lost loved ones, people who left, how I’ve been hurt and how I’ve been used. Definitely, I should strip off the things that are holding me back today and the things about me which they’ve learned to love must be eternal treasures as I embark on my journey.
My faith is being sharpened by a person, someone who can’t be outside my reality. I’m afraid that one day will come that I’ll be dropped very hard and find myself shattered in the end. Sabi nga nina D and A, “Bawal ma-excite!” I've been practicing it. My intellect demands a lot of answers by asking one simple question. I am flying without any direction, see? I’m enjoying free will. The feeling of not distanced allows me to get pleasure from trouble-free days; holding the gift of peace. Finally. Yes, I think so.
I bought two classic books and I’m currently reading Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter”. I wanna go on to the next chapter! Boo to school papers that must be submitted. Rarrr. Ha ha.
My energy can be somehow drained about the comings and goings that are happening in my life. Some friends are in agreement with my new decisions while others aren’t. I am the one who’ll be left with no one and nothing in the end, if that will be my luck this time, so why bother? If there’s someone who’d really want to come in, I’ll feel grateful. No one on earth is abandoned. We spend too much time to offer all our attention to something that attracts us and we capture it to experience rush motions, endless longings and striking fantasies that formulate our everyday pleasure. Do you ever imagine the time it will go? I can’t picture it now. Or I don’t want to. But I had been there and was almost at the point of jadedness. It doesn’t scare me that much. I can’t kid myself, at this point that I am putting big emphasis on connection. I build my dreams in the dark. I put passion to love and desire.
If you ask where am I in my life today, my answer will be, “I don’t know and not so aware how everything has worked out so far for me.” My ambition remains. I can’t stop. I can directly look into the mirror of truth and genuinely review the past chapters of my life. Funny, the moment I tried reading old testimonials in my Friendster account. It reminded me about lost loved ones, people who left, how I’ve been hurt and how I’ve been used. Definitely, I should strip off the things that are holding me back today and the things about me which they’ve learned to love must be eternal treasures as I embark on my journey.
My faith is being sharpened by a person, someone who can’t be outside my reality. I’m afraid that one day will come that I’ll be dropped very hard and find myself shattered in the end. Sabi nga nina D and A, “Bawal ma-excite!” I've been practicing it. My intellect demands a lot of answers by asking one simple question. I am flying without any direction, see? I’m enjoying free will. The feeling of not distanced allows me to get pleasure from trouble-free days; holding the gift of peace. Finally. Yes, I think so.
I bought two classic books and I’m currently reading Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter”. I wanna go on to the next chapter! Boo to school papers that must be submitted. Rarrr. Ha ha.
3 comments:
No matter how hard we try to escape from certain situations; we will always fail because it was not meant to be avoided in the first place. Truth seeking in life is definitely not easy because it requires Time.
Our past have its good and bad side and even God cannot change the past neither could we do it. Acceptance is one thing and everything happens for a reason. I'm sure you know this fairly well dear.
Everyone build dreams in their own way but what matters most is that the dreams will come true at the end of day. Constant believe helps a lot. I guess.
Anyways, don't worry too much about the paper okay? I am sure you'll do well.
(:
Memories live in us no matter how hard we try to forget them... to lavish oneself is not so much a sin but a self gratificaiton process...
Life is about living today... not yesterday or tomorrow...
The importance of life is to ensure you do not regret the decisions that you make... be it right or wrong... and of coz minimize hurt to oneself and other in the process!!!
Cheers
Kyels & Zeroimpact:
Thanks to both of you. Be safe always!
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