Sssssh...

Sleeping didn’t lift up my troubles, vulnerability and moving thoughts last night. My actions must be pleasant from day to day when they don’t appear to be. I’ve been weird for the past dew days. The same person I’ve mentioned from my previous entry still needs my help and I want to be there for that person. She has been crying, separating happiness from the paradise of delight, visualizing memories she shared with the guy for they’re the only ones that appear responsive to her senses.

She asked me if I can find a girl for her. Yes, she can’t stay in one place forever but there is a road made especially for her. I didn’t use my gaydar ability. Based on the saga of her life as I’ve been witnessing it, a new possible love must begin for her (she deserves it) and it will definitely be given by a man, I believe. I made use of the time to explain further about it. I wonder why a lot of people detest homosexuality but they can’t dare not to look at it or think about it. What saddens me is when one is drawn to show his extreme dislike to ensure he isn’t like that or the other way around which is granting the other option, trying to portray one’s self as homosexual or bisexual after a great turbulence in life---breaking up with his partner. It’s a special thing exclusive to few people. Why make it as an excuse? You have to slow down a bit if your heart is capable to enter its world when it’s the one that invites in the first place. Love is all about souls and their splendor.

I find myself caught in a maelstrom of emotion, although I admit I have my own issues to be solved. Several possibilities don’t resonate when a lot of times, I wouldn’t realize about having that particular thing wanting me badly not until the anticipation for disappointment had already confined my desire to give in. My dominance to hold in personal feelings was already destroyed by an erroneous conclusion, when in fact, that certain world is one thing I haven’t crossed or stepped on with pride. To make it short, I’m not free enough to wipe away grievances by embracing magic.

Don’t ever say we haven’t experienced magic. It chooses us. We’re not well-informed about it and allowing the spell to occupy one’s self is a risky thing to do. Everything has its end and so many acts of misery and pain no matter how brief, will be done. It’s just part of the story very different from what we pictured them to be. Better not to expect. I’d rather fall to the ground with my own weight and believe that I want to see more of the world by blasting off into the next dimension.

I’ve been asked by some people how I am able to say these things using this blog. By the way I started blogging when I was in Grade 5. At home, I was raised to become conscious of the good and bad though I don’t stand for rules without deciphering first of what they tell me before exercising right away. Some rules don’t work for me so I drop them. There comes a point when I’d like to go back and be a rebel daughter again but in the back of my mind, the person I am now cares to put me into awareness how it won’t be worth it after all.

I sincerely mean every action, every word I do and say to people around me. These things give greater strength and form the story of my life. I’m never empty as new experiences are never-ending and do fill me up constantly. I’ve been a carrier of secrets having the thought that I make sure that the gentleness of my curiosity would allow someone to open up without any form of distraction. It has been working just by answering my need for others’ experiences and learning from them is my first priority. This blog is all about me and you and you and, you.

I love the metaphor of life: The unexpected twists, randomness, silence, regret, confusion, captivating helpless moments. I'm overwhelmed. Waaahooo.