i hope that i won't stay with this kind of feeling for months

My belongingness to things interweaves as each string keeps on connecting from one point to another. There I go, remaining to hope ruled by danger. Loose or tight thread (how we hold or the way we are held)---not the root, but the stem. It is the support. The thing to sustain me is unclear, but could be found somewhere I believe.

My actions and decisions apparently flee on the way to the next part. I am just like you. I think of several people who left me and I have let go. I draw closer to rejection, failure, desolation and especially, the collapsed hidden part of mine that swallows in secret. Yes, like you too, though I am deflecting the chance of things around me to remain unchanged.

I carry gravitas at the same time turning away from a thought that I am immeasurably small. It is a clash inside me. Undergoing such, I do not identify the measure of endurance. I am at an imbalanced state diminishing the weight of my anguish, trying if it is the thing that must be done. But how do I start? Where is the beginning? Do I have to do random guessing? So many questions, and look, I am perceptive. So do not think that I find this state a trouble-free one, when in fact, it is not.

Moving on... Off the earlier thought.

I have been praying to win the process altogether of getting the attention of the person I have a thing for. I want a more permanent solution. I received the trust. Imagine that. An adequate amount of appreciation coming from the person becomes very perceptible. All my defenses surrender to fondness, circumventing the connection that is only between the two of us.

But that is that. Just that. Not that I am incapable of giving love but the force seems to be insufficient or maybe the time for it has not reached my place yet. And yes, I just love helping people most especially in a certain case that I find his/her situation similar to the thing I have experienced in the past.

Three people via sms called for my help today. One person even said that I am a person from the paradise. The feeling is gratifying. It made me smile even for a short time.